Category Archives: I DO Read the Articles

Rasta Craw?

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rasta craw

Police say a homeless man broke into the townhouse of White Sox general manager Ken Williams over the weekend and made himself at home: drinking beer, eating pizza and using the computer before leaving dressed in Williams’ clothes and wearing his 2005 White Sox World Series ring.

Wayne L. Field III even defrosted a lobster and kicked back on the bed, police said. When Williams returned to his home just north of Grant Park, he found empty bottles strewn around and the oven still warm, sources said.

Field, 51, broke into the home sometime over the weekend, according to police. He was arrested at 7 p.m. Monday when he returned and was spotted peeking into the home, they said.

During the burglary, Field had left behind a hospital bracelet with his name on it, police said. When officers spotted him back at Williams’ home, the name he gave matched the one on the bracelet, police said.

Field was wearing Williams’ championship ring as well as his clothes, police said. Field had also stolen a set of keys, police said. According to an arrest report, he was wearing a fur, jeans and sweatshirt belonging to Williams and also had a wristwatch belonging to Williams in his pocket.

Bond for Field was set at $100,000 today when he appeared before Judge James Brown on one count of residential burglary. Field is listed as homeless in arrest reports, and the address he gave police, 941 W. Lawrence Ave., is a community church that runs a shelter in the basement.

If he is able to make bond, Field was ordered to have no contact with Williams and has to stay away from U.S. Cellular Field.

Field has a record of arrests for assault, indecent exposure and sexual abuse, according to court records.

He was charged with misdemeanor assault on Sept. 5 and found guilty on Nov. 8. He was sentenced to 30 days time served, according to the records.

On Sept. 1, he had been charged with misdemeanor simple battery, but that was dismissed last month, according to records.

In July, he was arrested for public indecency and lewd exposure, a misdemeanor, but that charge was also dismissed.

In 1989, Field was found guilty of misdemeanor criminal sexual abuse and was under court supervision for two years, according to court records.

#FridayDimes: Kelly Oxford

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So when I was pondering who should be my Friday Dime, I was thinking about what qualities are most important to me…   Is it the face?  the sense of humor?  the body?  the smile?  the personality?  will she make a good mother to my imaginary children that I hope I never have?

And then it hit me that I think I know someone that has all of the above: blogger Kelly Oxford

Kelly Oxford

I’ve only recently discovered Kelly…  which was actually through Jessica Alba’s twitter page.  Yes, I follow Jessica Alba on twitter, but I have a valid reason… other than the fact that she’s a certified dime.  I was at a L.A. Clippers game and thought I saw Jessica and decided to follow her on twitter to see if I could verify.  I thought only celebrities went to Lakers games ya know?  But then I remembered that the Clippers were playing the Heat…  Anyway, Jessica retweeted a hilarious Kelly tweet and I was instantly hooked.  And I could tell by the 1cm x 1cm picture of her in the tiny top left corner of my phone, that she was a dime to boot!!!

I only mention Jessica Alba though, b/c she is now producing a sitcom that is going to feature Kelly Oxford.  Game recognize game, right? As a stay-home mother of 3, Kelly has been blogging since 1997, back before I even knew what the internets were…  and she also recently signed a book deal with Harper Collins to write a memoir…  Make sure you follow her on twitter (@kellyoxford)…  she definitely has the highest  %-age of great tweets of anyone I follow.  Seriously, every time she tweets, it’s solid. Pun!  and a Big Pun at that…

 

 

#FridayDimes : Wubba Wubba Wubba Edition

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Okay, so it’s time to have that talk about the day my boner passed out. Why? Because the ultimate sex object of my teenage dreams became a nude model in Playboy. It was awesome and frightening…hence, the reason for my boner to pass out. That’s right. We’re taking the Boner Way-Back Machine “downtown” as we explore this “Friday Dimes” with Downtown Julie Brown!

Having become somewhat of a TV celebrity, she did more than just VJ the end of the actual music video days of MTV before the nutty reality show craze drilled into the collective skull of the populace, she also hosted dance parties and was like a smallish gem on the hump of an otherwise increasingly knockoff street vendor. And she inspired the little Atarilogic in me.

This was back in the ’90′s when everything was moving from neon to grunge and the style of music meandered between hyped out dance music and glammed-over diva vocalist shit. Lest we forget the golden era of ’90′s hip hop, I am just trying to put things in perspective.  More to the point, celebrity had fallen over the edge and the class was cleverly leached out of the remaining culture of creativity. Music had changed. This was the day of the CD. Plastic was king and the compact disc was the new medium. This was before TMZ started taking pictures of limo vaginas and making pornography a “game-changer” for icons who were losing viability in a struggling market.

However, flipside to the coin, sexuality was starting to recover from the ’80′s AIDS scare and it was time to take the top off this badboy and get back to being complete horn-dogs. Having decided that it was completely unAmerican to hide the private parts, the culture had shifted into what I like to call “PreMillenial Boner Dependency.” The market had changed brands and realized that sex still sells. Thus, in 1998, Downtown Julie Brown made her appearance in Playboy and my brain nearly imploded.

Witness: Perfect mocha colored skin, tiny frame, the English accent, that “good” hair, lovable laugh, perky tits and the plume of bush (which I have to mention is making a comeback. You knew that right, ladies?) Anyway, what you get is a reaction that deprives your body of blood as it rushes to your boner, creating a vacuum effect that makes for a potentially dangerous change in body pressure and the perfect Friday Dime. Enjoy.


Namsayin?!

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